So many choices, so little time!

 

If you live and/or work in a city, it is likely that you spend a considerable amount of daily time inside a lift. Or , in a tribute to speakers of American English, inside an elevator.

The ride up and down can be very short, and rarely over a minute long. However, due to a variety of actors such as: space constraints, potential claustrophobia, likelihood of proximity to strangers; well there are many psychological and sociological dynamics that emerge.

I have probably been putting way too much thought into this. In fact, I could write a long essay, maybe even a short book, about what happens in a lift.  So paradoxically I find it challenging to keep this article tight and consistent with the style of this blog.

Further, I need to acknowledge upfront I am not alone in having some sort of interest in human interactions in a lift, hence the post is made longer by recognizing contribution from friends who have spoken to me about it, especially my friend Jenna (who found the time to dedicate an entire email to the subject) as well as the CMO of this blog, who provided a few personal insights.

Given the above established Great Importance of this topic, I divide the post into four chapters:

1. Patterns of behaviour when alone in a lift

2. Standard characters

3. Etiquette: a short guide to Dos and Don’ts

4. Social experiments

 

1. Patterns of individual behaviour

Since I am not (I think) a perv nor a voyeur, and since I do not watch videos of people in lifts for my profession (some – like guards or surveillance professionals – do), I can only extrapolate from my own behaviour and a few conversations what people actually do when alone in an elevator.

Most of the time, if I am not using my smartphone, I look at myself in the mirror.  This opens a few major options:

– Staring at yourself with a blank expression;

– Smiling in recognition of how nice and beautiful you are;

– (For women only) Checking make up, hair, eye brows, ass, lips, ass again, hair again;

– (Mostly for men) Practicing the power face to use at a date or work;

– Doing funny faces.

I mainly do the last two. What about you? Are there more?

 

2. Standard characters

The most interesting part of this sociological study is of course about elevator rides with more people, from two to many. We come across repetitive patterns of behaviour and a clear taxonomy of characters.

We all met them. Hey, maybe we Are them!  In non exhaustive order, remembering this is a blog not bound by unnecessary political correctness:

The technical starer – He or she stands near the buttons and marvels at the prodigy of technology and inscriptions like a glottologist admiring the Rosetta Stone in a future star trek setting

The control freak – Similar to the above in look, but not on purpose, the control freaks stands besides the button to ensure he or she is in constant control of the lift, as well as having a clear and rapid way out.

The farter – Not common but sadly recognizable. Especially if you were alone and then someone comes in…

The delivery guy – also in the variation bicycle courier with a powerful radio

The “music in headset” guy – unaware we can hear the drum beat and no that is not a smart look

The crazy one – who talks or sings to himself (sometimes I am this)

The social guy – who talks to you (ok I am also this)

The lady you would like to marry –  Especially when you do not know her, and will never see again (ie “the ten seconds which might have changed our life but didn’t”).  Also the guy you would like to marry.

The dominant and submissive couple – observed some times especially in cold climates or near Roissy. A variation on “the lovers”.

The space invader – which I will describe again in the etiquette section but of course why are you in My Space?

The kids –  Actually same as in airplanes I never mind kids, they are fun.  I despise the next ones:

The drunks

And now a couple suggested by Jenna she is a female so if you do not like it do not blame me please.

The Raincoat guy – men that stand with their back against the side of the car, facing women they find attractive.  They normally have a stance of leaning on the wall with their hands in their pockets.

The pachyderms –  They are normally smokers that walk in a pack like elephants to go out for a puff together.  They’re usually bitchy-type women, always complaining about another co-worker or their husbands.

and finally a type which can be combined with many of the above

The rusher – person who pushes his way in without waiting for others to come out thereby creating awkward side stepping dances for everyone else.

 

3. Etiquette

The following section is at the core of he article as it will highlight where it is appropriate to stand in a lift.

One would be justified to think this is an easy issues as to most it would be obvious where it is appropriate to stand.  After all, there are some remarkable similarities to which position to occupy in a line of urinals.  And whilst women do not use urinals, they are typically more intuitive than men; so they can probably figure out how to appropriately behave in an elevator.

The reality, however, is different; in fact, I regularly observe people who commonly break the rules of appropriate lift etiquette.  The following diagram shows a couple of correct sequencing of elevator positioning.

As the reader can gather, the right way to determine position is through a degree of equidistant dispersion. However, when individuals have prior connections, they are allowed to stand in closer quarters.  The diagram below suggest various options of aggregation for personal and work relationships respectively.

 

As there is the right way, there is also the wrong, as well as the stupid way to stand in a lift. Below I illustrate some clear No Gos, as well as other deviant choices that, whilst harmless, could cause consternation in the fellow traveller.  These diagrams obviously assume none of the people represented know each other…

When lifts become very crowded, personal space reduces dramatically. There is an unusual reduction in the freedom of movement and often voluntary and involuntary touching of body parts. Actually, it can get so crowded that only people with experience at Shinjuku station at peak rush hour, or those that wait at arrivals at New Delhi airport can truly cope with. Or those taking a cable car in  Cervinia or Zermatt, but sans skis.

My suggestions are:

Case A. If you are Already inside the lift, make sure you adopt a posture similar to the below. Random turning of bodies is not allowed (socially) and the appropriate posture is that of a military parade, heads turned up towards the “light of freedom”.

If you are closer to the door, it is a good social convention to get out of the lift and let others disembark prior to squeezing yourself in again.

Case B. If instead the lift is crowded and you are Not yet in it, I would recommend to wait for the next one or take the stairs. Unless someone you know is already there.

Crowded lifts often also introduce changes in the verbal allowance of riders. For reasons of brevity I have so far not highlighted that obviously, unless traveling only with known people, the volume of speech in an elevator should only be at whisper level, and characterized by monosyllabic language. Eg: “hi”, “hi” or “g’day” , “hi”.

If you try to break your own discomfort by talking, please consider that your uncontainable chatter might embarrass the person you are talking to, when in presence of alien third parties. So my suggestion is silence, unless you have something incredibly interesting to say. For example, it would be acceptable to say :”hey have you heard of this new blog called jcbits at www.jcbits.com? I highly, highly recommend it!”

On crowded lifts situations, the rule of silence is even more recommended and – I know from experience – often ignored. Which is bad because this creates awkward crosses of subjects and it can induce further heating /Noise in an already uncomfortable situation.

What I wrote about is just the tip of the iceberg of appropriate lift etiquette, but please feel free to contact me for suggestions or requests for further guidance.

 

4. Social Experiments

For those readers who wish to start studying the subject in more depth, I add a section from my sociological research. As some of you know, I always privileged in the field social experimentation to academic synthesis, so I will just mention one experiment I  conducted which has not yet been published.

I call it “the alpha male lift experiment” although it has been tested also by females with considerable success.

The experiment takes place in a situation similar to this:

Four/ five individuals who do not know each other and are equally dispersed are in a lift.  They can see each other through the corner of their eyes but are not engaged in direct vision. A common situation as everyone is ignoring the others but still aware of potential threats and attacks (hence the corner of the eyes stance).

I suggest you try just ever so slightly to lift your chin, look straight ahead but keep all others within your circle of vision.

In my experience, 9 times out of ten, all others will lower their heads and start staring at their feet.  Through the simple lifting of the chin you have activated a very primal signal of leadership within mammals: you have become “The Alpha Male”.

I noticed that this works better between people of the same-sex (ie men respond more quickly to my signal) and its work best when some thinks they are ignoring you.  It does not work when someone is too concentrated on something else (a phone call or even less if someone is typing an email).

However it does work across cultures and lift situations (work or home) and I am told it works amongst females.

Maybe you can give it a go.

This post is already very lengthy, so I will stop here.  But I hope to have proven what a fascinating field of science is the area of studying human behaviour in lift / elevators.